Lake Effect

some are zoologically bizarre

2011-11-17T10:02:00.000-08:00

.......given that the Punjabi language is particularly full of colourful expletives

Special Halloween Edition

2011-10-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

... seen on Ashland Ave:

Thursday Feature!

2011-10-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

That's how we do it in Breckenridge-ah-ah-ahhh.

Thursday Feature

2011-09-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

Who's driving this?

Someone has to ...

2011-08-25T20:56:00.001-07:00

Korean Ice Cream

2011-08-24T12:40:00.001-07:00

Tweets Of The Week (s)

2011-08-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

@morgan_murphy Morgan Murphy
if I get married do I have to stop drinking Coke Zero in the shower?

@KarenKilgariff Karen Kilgariff
Tweet that fascinating story about your summer cold again, only slower this time.

@molls Molly McAleer
I roll up in that Apple store and I rip new assholes on all those so-called "Geniuses"

@JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
I don't enjoy when children sing, but I hear it makes pedophiles rock hard.

@JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
I'm at my beach house and my iPad cleaning cloth blew into the bay. Not to be dramatic, but it feels like 9/11 just raped Hurricane Katrina

@MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
So, like, in Planet of the Apes or whatever, like what about people who live on islands and shit? How the apes get to them or are they cool?

@MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
Is it a “humble brag“ if I mention I just sharted in a Buick LeSabre on my way to a Dave & Busters?

@bazecraze Alex Baze
The great thing about being a Pisces is that astrology is completely made-up and meaningless.

@JimNorton Jim Norton
I hope it's just a coincidence that America has a black president and bad credit rating at the same time.

Flyer Fever

2011-08-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

I laughed at this.

Thursday Feature!

2011-08-04T09:03:00.000-07:00

An inspirational message from Jimmy Swingpett.

Thursday Feature!

2011-07-28T11:26:00.001-07:00

See, it's funny because they ALWAYS SUCK.

Tweets Of The Week

2011-07-26T13:59:00.000-07:00

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
I was feeling depressed all day & then I saw a guy in a RiK Smits jersey drinkin Malibu out of a watermelon & I was like: Be cool, hot shot.

wolfpupy wolf puppy
hello @petsmart i emailed you my blueprints for a new kind of dog. still no response

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
If you don't shave or wax your pubes and you wear panty hose with no underwear, your crotch looks like Vlade Divac robbing a gas station.

andylevy Andy Levy
If Morgan Freeman's such a great actor, how come he only plays black guys?

JimNorton Jim Norton
When I heard Amy Winehouse died, I was as shocked as the next profoundly retarded person.

Tweets Of The Week

2011-07-19T07:18:00.000-07:00

JennyJohnsonHi5
If Casey Anthony was found guilty & received the death penalty, I bet her last meal would've been 4 candy necklaces & a bottle of MD 20/20.

robcorddry rob corddry
On a scavenger hunt. Need to find a livery cab driver wearing a suit that fits him and a 1st generation Asian male that uses a Mac.

thesulk
I forget, were the late 60s turbulent?

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
Mickey Rourke looks like he's made entirely out of nipples.

TheOnion The Onion
WEATHER: Muggy in the upper 90s as a warm front yes kill her extends the heat wave with that knife until Tues

pattonoswalt Patton Oswalt
"Victim was working as a waitress at a cocktail bar. That much is true." CSI: HUMAN LEAGUE

Krashmouth Krashmouth
Popeye squeezed the can of spinach. But only novelty snake flew out! His heart sank when he saw Bluto putting petroleum jelly on a cucumber.

Tweets Of The Week

2011-07-12T12:57:00.001-07:00

morgan_murphy Morgan Murphy
I bet she would have been found guilty if her name was Casey Anfernee

GarryShandling Garry Shandling
I've said it b4 and I'll say it again. I'll do a show called, "I've Got Talent," and each week the three judges can go fuck themselves.

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
My stepson posted a Facebook pic of himself in the bathroom mirror with his cap backwards. Texas state law says I can drown him.

pattonoswalt Patton Oswalt
The term "fucking" is so vulgar. Can we start using "slap casserole"?

Thursday Feature!

2011-07-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

Michigan = Dude Country. But how come Dude 3 has a newer car than Dude 6?

Tweets Of The Week

2011-07-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

3rdand10 Will Kane
A hobo blew a burp in my face and now I don't remember my mom's name or what the color blue looks like.

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
The jerk-off motion is always the correct answer to "fresh ground pepper?"

kellyoxford kelly oxford
Putting a tattoo on your boob is like decorating a TV.

kellyoxford kelly oxford
If you're on a date and you fart really loud, say "That's just a little trick I taught myself" and wiggle your eyebrows.

robdelaney
Can I hack a Roomba so it makes coffee in the morning, delivers it to my bed & tells me it loves me?

billyeichner billy eichner
Sadly, had I written the lyrics to Ice Cube's Today Was A Good Day, I'd have to include "Just got an email blast from The Vitamin Shoppe".

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
I'm dedicating these illegal fireworks to the men of Boston who taught me that a better name for bottle rockets is "screamin retahds."

Kari_Nautique Kari Nautique retweeted by Andy_Richter
Thank you @hughhefner for the beautiful fireworks. Brought tears to my eyes. My mom is over seas fighting so we can have things like Playboy

Freefallin'

2011-07-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

Reprinted from Menthol Mountains:

Let's say your jet blows apart at 35,000 feet. You exit the aircraft, and you begin to descend independently. Now what?
By David Carkeet

First of all, you're starting off a full mile higher than Everest, so after a few gulps of disappointing air you're going to black out. This is not a bad thing. If you have ever tried to keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you know what I mean. This brief respite from the ambient fear and chaos will come to an end when you wake up at about 15,000 feet. Here begins the final phase of your descent, which will last about a minute. It is a time of planning and preparation. Look around you. What equipment is available? None? Are you sure? Look carefully. Perhaps a shipment of packed parachutes was in the cargo hold, and the blast opened the box and scattered them. One of these just might be within reach. Grab it, put it on, and hit the silk. You're sitting pretty.
Other items can be helpful as well. Let nature be your guide. See how yon maple seed gently wafts to earth on gossamer wings. Look around for a proportionate personal vehicle—some large, flat, aerodynamically suitable piece of wreckage. Mount it and ride, cowboy! Remember: molecules are your friends. You want a bunch of surface-area molecules hitting a bunch of atmospheric molecules in order to reduce your rate of acceleration.
As you fall, you're going to realize that your previous visualization of this experience has been off the mark. You have seen yourself as a loose, free body, and you've imagined yourself in the belly-down, limbs-out position (good: you remembered the molecules). But, pray tell, who unstrapped your seat belt? You could very well be riding your seat (or it could be riding you; if so, straighten up and fly right!); you might still be connected to an entire row of seats or to a row and some of the attached cabin structure.
If thus connected, you have some questions to address. Is your new conveyance air-worthy? If your entire row is intact and the seats are occupied, is the passenger next to you now going to feel free to break the code of silence your body language enjoined upon him at takeoff? If you choose to go it alone, simply unclasp your seat belt and drift free. Resist the common impulse to use the wreckage fragment as a "jumping-off point" to reduce your plunge-rate, not because you will thereby worsen the chances of those you leave behind (who are they kidding? they're goners!), but just because the effect of your puny jump is so small compared with the alarming Newtonian forces at work.
Just how fast are you going? Imagine standing atop a train going 120 mph, and the train goes through a tunnel but you do not. You hit the wall above the opening at 120 mph. That's how fast you will be going at the end of your fall. Yes, it's discouraging, but proper planning requires that you know the facts. You're used to seeing things fall more slowly. You're used to a jump from a swing or a jungle gym, or a fall from a three-story building on TV action news. Those folks are not going 120 mph. They will not bounce. You will bounce. Your body will be found some distance away from the dent you make in the soil (or crack in the concrete). Make no mistake: you will be motoring.
At this point you will think: trees. It's a reasonable thought. The concept of "breaking the fall" is powerful, as is the hopeful message implicit in the nursery song "Rock-a-bye, Baby," which one must assume from the affect of the average singer tells the story not of a baby's death but of its survival. You will want a tall tree with an excurrent growth pattern—a single, undivided trunk with lateral branches, delicate on top and thicker as you cascade downward. A conifer is best. The redwood is attractive for the way it rises to shorten your fall, but a word of caution here: the redwood's lowest branches grow dangerously high from the ground; having gone 35,000 feet, you don't want the last 50 feet to ruin everything. The perfectly tiered Norfolk Island pine is a natural safety net, so if you're near New Zealand, you're in luck, pilgrim. When crunch time comes, elongate your body and hit the tree limbs at a perfectly flat angle as close to the trunk as possible. Think!
Snow is good—soft, deep, drifted snow. Snow is lovely. Remember that you are the pilot and your body is the aircraft. By tilting forward and putting your hands at your side, you can modify your pitch and make progress not just vertically but horizontally as well. As you go down 15,000 feet, you can also go sideways two-thirds of that distance—that's two miles! Choose your landing zone. You be the boss.
If your search discloses no trees or snow, the parachutist's "five-point landing" is useful to remember even in the absence of a parachute. Meet the ground with your feet together, and fall sideways in such a way that five parts of your body successively absorb the shock, equally and in this order: feet, calf, thigh, buttock, and shoulder. 120 divided by 5 = 24. Not bad! 24 mph is only a bit faster than the speed at which experienced parachutists land. There will be some bruising and breakage but no loss of consciousness to delay your press conference. Just be sure to apportion the 120-mph blow in equal fifths. Concentrate!
Much will depend on your attitude. Don't let negative thinking ruin your descent. If you find yourself dwelling morbidly on your discouraging starting point of seven miles up, think of this: Thirty feet is the cutoff for fatality in a fall. That is, most who fall from thirty feet or higher die. Thirty feet! It's nothing! Pity the poor sod who falls from such a "height." What kind of planning time does he have?
Think of the pluses in your situation. For example, although you fall faster and faster for the first fifteen seconds or so, you soon reach "terminal velocity"—the point at which atmospheric drag resists gravity's acceleration in a perfect standoff. Not only do you stop speeding up, but because the air is thickening as you fall, you actually begin to slow down. With every foot that you drop, you are going slower and slower.
There's more. When parachutists focus on a landing zone, sometimes they become so fascinated with it that they forget to pull the ripcord. Since you probably have no ripcord, "target fixation" poses no danger. Count your blessings.
Think of others who have gone before you. Think of Vesna Vulovic, a flight attendant who in 1972 fell 33,000 feet in the tail of an exploded DC-9 jetliner; she landed in snow and lived. Vesna knew about molecules.
Think of Joe Hermann of the Royal Australian Air Force, blown out of his bomber in 1944 without a parachute. He found himself falling through the night sky amid airplane debris and wildly grabbed a piece of it. It turned out to be not debris at all, but rather a fellow flyer in the process of pulling his ripcord. Joe hung on and, as a courtesy, hit the ground first, breaking the fall of his savior and a mere two ribs of his own. Joe was not a quitter. Don't you be.
Think of Nick Alkemade, an RAF tailgunner who jumped from his flaming turret without a parachute and fell 18,000 feet. When he came to and saw stars overhead, he lit a cigarette. He would later describe the fall as "a pleasant experience." Nick's trick: fir trees, underbrush, and snow.
But in one important regard, Nick is a disappointment. He gave up. As he plummeted to Germany, he concluded he was going to die and felt "a strange peace." This is exactly the wrong kind of thinking. It will get you nowhere but dead fast. You cannot give up and plan aggressively at the same time.

The Freefall Research Page: http://www.greenharbor.com/fffolder/ffresearch.html

Snowball's Chance

2011-07-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

For most of my life I've wondered if there are animals out there who are capable of dancing to music. Not just running around in response to dancing humans, but a direct rhythmic response to music. I've often thought how cool it would be if my cats Sammy and Walt could occasionally break into dance, or even just move their tail or paws to the beat...just once!
I take a lot of guff from fellow lake-effectors for my ritual adherence to watching CBS Sunday Morning...live and in its entirety whenever possible. Weekly vindication came again today with this story about Snowball the Dancing Cockatoo, which finally answered once and for all my lifelong query about whether animals can dance.

Here's the piece:

And here he is getting down to some Stevie Nicks

There are about a thousand other clips out there too...enjoy!

Tweets Of The Week

2011-06-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

pattonoswalt Patton Oswalt
I've now decided I am against gay marriage, but also support straight married couples being forced to act super-faggy.

hannibalburess Hannibal Buress
I lost my cellphone - T-Mobile lady: Did you lose the SIM Card too- Me: Naw, I pocketed it because I knew I was about to lose my phone.

MJMcKean
I'm like a very low-rent Jesus: I turn water into whizz.

MarylandMudflap
I walked past a dog walking on a treadmill in the window of a dog spa and I wanted to get angry but I have to say: That dog had a great ass.

morgan_murphy
speaking of segregation, I just had a civil rights movement. (took a dump in the back of a bus)

morgan_murphy
there's nothing less fuckable than a man eating a salad.

robdelaney
No animals were harmed in the making of "Zookeeper," but 14 of the animals in it have committed suicide since shooting wrapped.

thesulk
Scientology has spaceships?! Crazy! I'll stick to my guy who parted the sea with his mind.

thesulk
America is the sound of the Family Feud audience repeating unanswered answers in unison.

JennyJohnsonHi5
Volkswagen Jettas run on sorority girls' tears and ranch dressing.

JennyJohnsonHi5
"I'm super into the Goo Goo Dolls, you guys." - said the guy who has never seen human pussy

JennyJohnsonHi5
Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.

sportsguy33
Watching "Knight & Day" on HBO right now. Torre and Zimmer had more sexual chemistry than Cruise and Diaz.

MarylandMudflap
Don't you just hate it when you're watching Swimfan & S'ing your own D and a stranger walks in and says, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!"

danielralston
Can I just hear Werner Herzog say the word 'viscosity' ONE TIME IN MY FUCKING LIFE!

robdelaney
BAD NEWS: I threw up all over your couch. GOOD NEWS: Christ died for our sins so you don't have to be an asshole about it

Thursday Feature!

2011-06-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

It's Cubs vs. Sox rivalry week, and coincidentally I just got these two plates.

This one was on the way to The Cell, featuring Hawk's siganture call:

And this one sums up the north side franchise pretty succinctly.

Tweets Of The Week

2011-06-21T07:08:00.000-07:00

3rdand10 Will Kane
I'll take George Harrison, Ghostbusters, and Vicodin. You guys can have the rest.

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
How many times during the filming of Fast 5 do you think the Rock, Diesel, Walker & Tyrese woke up in bed together, naked, covered in jizz?

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
I wonder if the sound guy on the Sopranos wakes up in the night screaming after having nightmares about James Gandolfini's nose breathing.

pattonoswalt Patton Oswalt
Have the Vancouver riot police turned on the maple syrup cannons yet?

NekoCase Neko Case
Sorry, @deltaairlines, why are you such a dick?

MarylandMudflap
If you need me I'll be at the farmer's market with all the other white people who think eating organic food will make us live forever.

mortsahlsays Mort Sahl
Obama urged Weiner to resign, which is yet another example of the sinking ship deserting the rats.

CoachieX B.A. Rosenblum
wxrt just played a song by Marvin Gaye as part of their Father's Day set. Seriously. What are they, me?

morgan_murphy Morgan Murphy
When I was a kid, I had one of those nets you throw a baseball against and it bounces it back to you. Happy Fathers Day to that net.

mirandanmf miranda brown
if you don't like billy squier, you're wrong.

(this one is actually sort of touching)
ochocinco Chad Ochocinco
Left hand is trembling uncontrollably as if I'm out of my element. Weird feeling but cool as hell to see dad after how many years? Hmmm 17

JennyJohnsonHi5
I'm sure Tiger Woods wishes he would've won the US Open today, then fingered a buttload of skanks with his penis.

Andy_Richter
Also, congrats to HBO on the launch of their first spin-off series, Tremè: Miami.

robdelaney rob delaney
I'm hoping the success of "Bad Teacher" & "Horrible Bosses" will convince Hollywood to make my movie, "Cunty Dermatologists."

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
Dumpster Muff RT @KimKardashian: Help me choose a new name for my jewelry line!

Great Marquees

2011-06-17T15:13:00.002-07:00

We were there to see a live taping of the most excellent Canadian radio show "Q" - but the top billing looked promising, too.

Lake Effect

2011-06-17T11:40:00.001-07:00

Seriously, you're too busy to stop by and check Lake Effect every so often? You can't take 15 seconds out of your busy day to share a funny or interesting tidbit with your friends? Nobody enjoys a sense of community anymore?

God, I hate you guys. Except Crescent, who I know WANTS to post more. I can just tell.

Thursday Feature!

2011-06-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of an eagle-eyed friend.

Summer Jamz Gone By

2011-06-14T11:34:00.001-07:00

I had no idea they were so awesome looking.

Tweets Of The Week

2011-06-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

EricStangel
BREAKING: In addition to Olympics, NBC Just Purchased the Rights To Toyotathon 2014 & Red Lobster Lobsterfest thru 2020

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
The one thing MTV's 'Teen Mom' taught me is 35 year old women make shitty grandmothers.

JennyJohnsonHi5
My stepson says I embarrassed him in front of his college academic advisor when I recommended he take "Introduction To Pussy"

DanaJGould
Every tattoo has a hidden meaning. The ones on your neck mean, "You probably want to interview someone else for this position."

JoshMalina Joshua Malina
CNN: Rep. Weiner attributes his problems to a "vast right-nut conspiracy."

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
I'm just glad Patrick Swayze isn't alive to see Hollywood try to ram this grease turd Bradley Cooper down our throats.

PFTompkins Paul F. Tompkins
Ugh. Look at this fat creep. "Blurgh, put the air on my face, I'm sweating from putting on this seatbelt." yfrog.com/h8s1iivj

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
If any of y'all like drinking vodka & Diet Squirt, I'm gonna order a pizza and make this Teddy Ruxpin say funny stuff in about 20 minutes.

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
4 people who haven't showered, who reek of stale liquor & have diarrhea want to get together to drink cheap champagne & OJ? No. #brunch

morgan_murphy Morgan Murphy
today is the 3rd birthday of the girl your husband will leave you for in 20 years. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MADISON!

WindhorstESPN
Just saw street cellist. Wondered if it was like Wash Post stunt when world-class violinist played in subway. But guy was playing Star Wars.

kellyoxford kelly oxford
Just farted on a wood chair in public but thankfully no one heard it because I have my earbuds in.

KellZodiac R. Kelly
I don't want to coach Miami but I would like to remix them

thesulk
LeBron hides behind god. God says, "Hit a fucking jumper, asshole."

Thursday Feature!

2011-06-09T08:03:00.001-07:00

Do you baby, do you.

Tweets Of The Week

2011-06-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

@jennyandteets Jenny Mollen
For every "hot" picture of herself a woman sends, there are 23 other shots where she looks exactly like her dad.

thesulk Alec Sulkin
So, civil engineers thought the population was finite? Make bigger roads, you dead idiots.

thesulk Alec Sulkin
Late night movie quiz for SERIOUS film buffs only. Name this movie: http://t.co/7ci6yHZ

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
In preparation for my trip to Mexico today, I've spent the last 2 weeks letting my housekeeper spit in my mouth.

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
It's not funny to laugh at Sex And The City 2, my grandpa died from it.

robcorddry rob corddry
Yes, we shoot in the same hospital where they shot Scrubs and it IS haunted... by the ghost of Zach Braff's appeal. #childrenshospital

robdelaney
Sports yelling! #sports

jennyandteets Jenny Mollen
It's like four days after u get ur period that u get cocky, think ur over it & start a game of Russian roulette w ur underwear.

JoshMalina Joshua Malina
My gentle, folksy humor can be annoying as shit. -- Mark Twain

ShittingtonUK
If you really need fast cash, 5 minutes of fondling Kenny Roger's downy white scrotum is going for $10,014 on the World Dare Exchange.

davidcho David Cho
Person I Hate The Most: Everyone on Yelp ever

MJMcKean Michael McKean
I was going to pitch a Spitzer-Weiner Odd Couple dinner theater tour this summer, but they're really both Felixes.

RealGilbert Gilbert Gottfried
What did one maggot say to the other maggot? "I can't believe I'm eating #MarilynMonroe 's pussy!"

Best Photo Ever

2011-06-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

God, I hate white people.

Frat Guys To The End

2011-06-06T06:19:00.001-07:00

Thursday Feature (aka the holdover)

2011-06-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

Straight out tha' Dairy State:

New Feature: Tweets Of The Week

2011-05-31T11:32:00.000-07:00

I read 'em so you don't have to:

@MarylandMudflap
I hope Oprah spends a nice quiet night in with her closest friends - just scissoring Gayle softly while Steadman plays with his train set.

@BretEastonEllis Bret Easton Ellis
Kirsten Dunst looked a lot sadder when I ran out of coke at an Oscar party 5 years ago than at the Von Trier press conference at Cannes...

@JennyJohnsonHi5
I nicknamed my stepdaughter "The Village" because she's such a huge disappointment.

@iamcolinquinn
If you want to see the real New York the way it was in the bad old days. check out a film called You've Got Mail.

@robdelaney rob delaney
Dammit, I just shit my pants. It's OK though; I'm at Kinko's.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Kim Kardashian wants her bachelorette party to be low key, just an E! camera crew and 100 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.

@AlbertBrooks
I missed Oprah's last show but to celebrate I bought my neighbor a car and gained 40 pounds.

@Chri55yBaby (Chris Owens from Girls)
"You have to be taught" is the most important song in South Pacific. Btw I hate assholes (the personality type not the body part)

@diplo
autotuning monkey and wolfs cause i just dont give a FUCK right now

@nealpollack
Why do I watch Treme? It's like reading an issue of an alternative weekly newspaper. The same issue. Every week.

@MarylandMudflap
I cant help myself. Every time I see an Army Surplus store I have to go inside and say, "I need a tent that sleeps 6 morbidly obese adults."

Breaking News from Utah

2011-05-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies

Redemption

2011-05-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

I always have regarded Jimmy Fallon as one of the luckiest men alive, since he enjoys great fame and riches while rarely if ever delivering an actual joke. However! He has at least one genuine talent....

See:

This

&

This

SUMMER GOLD 2011

2011-05-27T06:30:00.000-07:00

Listening to music has become an exclusively active pastime. Each of us is a constant DJ, making meticulously crafted playlists from individual songs we've downloaded from the world's largest record store. Even when we want something new, we find some niche internet radio station that narrows the spectrum of what we hear to the width of a human hair.

But there was a simpler time.

All of us, even Heather, is of an age where a summer afternoon at the beach or barbecue was soundtracked by a portable radio. And sometimes, if you were very lucky and out of the range of your normal FM waystations (WMET represent!), you could tune in some miraculous low-wattage signal pumping out a weird hybrid of songs you knew, more songs you sorta knew, and lots of songs you wished you knew.

There was a thrill of discovery then that is decidedly NOT equaled by blog-trawling for mp3s. A show of hands - how many of you sat by the radio with your tape deck on "Pause" waiting for your new favorite song to hit the airwaves? When your mix was finally complete, the first second and a half of each song warbled in, but after a few listens you knew what was next anyway and the phasey snaredrum that started "Centerfold" became part of your personal version of the song.

This is the experience that we here at WALV aim to provide. Let it ring from your rooftops. Let it fly through your open car windows. Let the good times roll, brothers and sisters.

SUMMER GOLD 2011

The critics agree: SG2011 is the perfect antidote to modern malaise!

"Right from fingerpicked opening notes of Air Supply's Lost in Love, I was transported back to the Clayton Pool during the Summer between 7th and 8th grade, lying on my back along the tiered platforms amidst a gaggle of friends, eating juju bees, staring up at the lone tin speaker on a post high above, my mind surging with the adolescent longing and possibility which swept in on the summer breeze over the trees and park benches of Shaw Park." - M. Night Simonalan, The Jimmycox Gazette

GET READY

2011-05-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

TOMORROW
The long-awaited release of
SUMMER GOLD 2011

Prepare yourself emotionally for the throwback jams that will shape your summer.

Thursday Feature!

2011-05-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

Sorry. I'm gonna have to go with H8.

Happy Anniversary

2011-05-25T15:04:00.000-07:00


Way to go.

I wonder if MiniBicheandStella have the same anniversary, but smaller.

Whoa

2011-05-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this works, but clearly it does.

The part where she gets in the pool blew my mind.

Baby Dre

2011-05-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

Dr. Dre was already cool. I wonder if he had started lifting weights yet?

Thursday Feature!

2011-05-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

This man's penis is so small you need an electron microscope to see it.

Dare

2011-05-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

Wanna see something horrifying? Something really awful? Not like Saddam-hanging-video awful, but something that makes you question what it means to be human on a fundamental level? Not suitable for work. Or for home.

I dare you.

Thursday Double Feature

2011-05-05T15:15:00.000-07:00

But spelling? Not that important.

Thursday Feature!

2011-05-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

"Uh, yes, I'd like to get a personalized license plate. I need to express myself."

"Sure, what were you looking for?"

"Doesn't matter, how about 123456?"

"Ok.... looks like that's taken."

"Darn... How about 12345?"

"Taken."

"Hmmmm...."

Anchor Follies

2011-05-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

Well said.

Breaking News

2011-05-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

His name is Quincy.

Brad

2011-04-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

This kid's got a future.

Own Side Now

2011-04-26T13:24:00.001-07:00

The Newest Singer

2011-04-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

This cute little MFer needs a name. Pronto. Help us out.

Thursday Feature!

2011-04-21T21:28:00.001-07:00

Represent!

Great small-town* newspaper stories I should have clicked on

2011-04-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

From the Des Moines Register:

*medium-small

Gallery

2011-04-13T12:11:00.001-07:00

Eva's at it again.

Parrot

Lion

Happy Gorilla

Twyla Teenyarms

Howard & Lily Windmiller

Freakout Time

2011-04-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

This test is totally weird, yet gave me an alarmingly accurate personal analysis. It took about a minute. You should try it.

Thursday Feature!

2011-04-07T14:43:00.000-07:00

It's made of people! This license plate is made of people!!!

Yuks

2011-04-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

Tina Fey has a book out called Bossypants. Here's what it says about it on Amazon:

Review
Once in a generation a woman comes along who changes everything. Tina Fey is not that woman, but she met that woman once and acted weird around her.

PRAISE FOR TINA FEY:

"You'd be really pretty if you lost weight." (College Boyfriend, 1990 )

"Tina Fey is an ugly, pear-shaped, overrated troll." (The Internet )

"Mommy, where are my pretzels?" (Tracy Morgan )

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR BOSSYPANTS:

"I hope that's not really the cover. That's really going to hurt sales." (Don Fey, Father of Tina Fey )

"Absolutely delicious!" (A Guy Who Eats Books )

"Totally worth it." (Trees )

"Do not print this glowing recommendation of Tina Fey's book until I've been dead a hundred years." (Mark Twain )

"Hilarious and insightful. Laugh-out-loud funny -- oh no, a full moon. No! Arrgh! Get away from me! Save yourself!" (A Guy Turning into a Werewolf )

Quiet On The Set!

2011-04-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

Congrats to network TV director P. Charles Adelman! You can watch the episode here.

Once A Diva, Always A Diva

2011-04-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

Thursday Feature!

2011-03-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

Abe Vigoda?
Fisher Stevens?
John Salmons?*
Steve Trout?*
Greg Norman's retarded half brother?*
Brandon Bass?*
Catfish Hunter?*
Dennis Herring?
Gar Forman?*
Jackson Pollock?

*Simo: These are sports guys

Vintage Mugshots

2011-03-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

People were scarier in the 1920s.

Thursday Feature!

2011-03-24T06:45:00.001-07:00

A white VW bug with a soft top in a Chicago winter? Yeah, "envy".

Blood Sport

2011-03-23T13:44:00.001-07:00

I'm just going to link to the Deadspin article about this, which totally floored me. The novelist Sergio De La Pava wrote an incredible essay about fighting in general and two rounds in particular that sum up everything great about boxing. One is the legendary 9th round of Gatti-Ward 1 (That's the guy from The Fighter, which I haven't seen but hear is decent), and the other is the 10th of Corrales v. Castillo from 2005, embedded above. It's pretty much the best 3 minutes of boxing you'll ever see.

The writing, though, is really a marvel. Please please please read the excerpts on Deadspin and the whole thing if you're so inclined. Spectacular.

Tuesday Pick-Me-Up

2011-03-22T13:08:00.001-07:00

Oh Snap

2011-03-21T16:03:00.001-07:00

This guy makes a fairly compelling case for the awfulness of Garden State.

Best Fight Ever

2011-03-21T12:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Spring!

2011-03-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

Showing up The Pop Tots

2011-03-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

@Hilarious

2011-03-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

Me at Jack White Mobile Record Store: "A bear claw and a smoothie, please." Jack: "We don't have that." Me: "Okay, just coffee." #DagSXSW

Just punched the lead singer of Jet in the jaw. Does that count as 'SXSW Interactive'? #DagSXSW

OMG you guys, Austin food is AMAZING. Having some incredible Tex-Mex chimp kabobs at Buenas Nachos on 6th and Pecos. DM me! #DagSXSW

Had a nice conversation with the owner of LadyPlace, a shop that sells cool, exotic beads for women's leg hair. SO Austin!! #DagSXSW

The David Foster keynote address is DRAGGING. Another Celine story? Tell me about the Cetera/Chicago split, already. #DagSXSW

Thursday Feature!

2011-03-17T08:10:00.001-07:00

I was going to come up with a good caption, but I was too wazy.

More Gold

2011-03-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

What Your Favorite Rock Band Says About You, Part II

The Byrds: There is a thin layer of sand on the bottom shelf of your fridge.

The Band: You have misspelled your name while carving it into a picnic table.

.38 Special: You have a tattoo of an animal driving a vehicle.

Procol Harum: You have smoked hash through an antique rifle.

Heart: You have smoked chamomile tea through a hookah.

Joni Mitchell: You have accidentally eaten more than half of a scented candle.

Steve Miller Band: You have not yet figured out how to turn off the hourly beep on your digital watch.

Working backward, the entries for The Zombies and Jackson Browne are personally apropos. Not too shabby!

SXSW Done Right

2011-03-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

Chicago musician Dag Juhlin is Tweeting from Chicago and pretending to be at the industry clustercuss know as SXSW. Enjoy:

HELP! Need a ride to the Juggalo picnic. Hotel shuttle won't take me there. Anyone? DM me! Thanks! #DagSXSW

If McGrath blows as much as a single lyric at tonight's Sugar Ray reunion gig, this town is going to go APESHIT! #DagSXSW

Just got a sneak preview of the new Strokes tune, "We Have Given Up Looking For New Ways To Pound This Shit Out". Fun song! #DagSXSW

AWESOME! Just scored a ticket to the Jeremy Piven/AXE body Spray Pre-Party Vodka Brunch, with a plus one! DM me! #DagSXSW

Great showcase gig: Noblesse Obese, Ich Bin Ein Airliner, Accident Pants, Kill Me Before I Love Again, and The Fancy Twats. #DagSXSW

Quick, we need bassist for new band, Rachel Ray Vaughan. We do blues songs about easy to prepare meals. Gig 2nite! DM me! #DagSXSW