Tweets Of The Week (s)

@morgan_murphy Morgan Murphy
if I get married do I have to stop drinking Coke Zero in the shower?

@KarenKilgariff Karen Kilgariff
Tweet that fascinating story about your summer cold again, only slower this time.

@molls Molly McAleer
I roll up in that Apple store and I rip new assholes on all those so-called "Geniuses"

@JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
I don't enjoy when children sing, but I hear it makes pedophiles rock hard.

@JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
I'm at my beach house and my iPad cleaning cloth blew into the bay. Not to be dramatic, but it feels like 9/11 just raped Hurricane Katrina

@MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
So, like, in Planet of the Apes or whatever, like what about people who live on islands and shit? How the apes get to them or are they cool?

@MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
Is it a “humble brag“ if I mention I just sharted in a Buick LeSabre on my way to a Dave & Busters?

@bazecraze Alex Baze
The great thing about being a Pisces is that astrology is completely made-up and meaningless.

@JimNorton Jim Norton
I hope it's just a coincidence that America has a black president and bad credit rating at the same time.