Friday, February 29, 2008

Have you seen this?

check it out


I don't care if its the fourth time he's made the same movie. I want to see it anyway.
The fro is real by the way.
I think I've found my halloween costume.

Lake Effect Calender

I've booked Halloween, a Friday this year, at everybody's favorite bar, Silvies. Now before you detractors start hollering, let me share my rationale behind using Silvies:

1. We can have any date we want
2. It costs us a total of $70 off the door, wheareas Martyrs, for instance, is $400 +
3. Its actually a pretty nice room

Yes the drinks are expensive and a bit weak, but stick to shots and beer and you're gold.
I just think of the extra $10 I spend there over other bars as a premium for having our own private club for the night.

For Halloween, I suggest one of the following:

1. Lads

2. A show similar in format to the Uke Cab, but with full backline, where each act plays three songs in character and costume as another band, famous or invented. Its not a new idea, they've been doing it at Double Door/Subterranean for years. Just think of the potential from our comunity though! In case a full scale lads reunion isn't in the offing, an abbreviated 3-song set as part of this concept would be great, and manageable.

3. Halloween Karaoke- We have a house band and get people to sign up in advance to perform a song as famous singers and bands. The house band learens all the songs and off we go.

Personally, I think #2 is the way to go, unless by some miracle, we can find Ron Woods-Taylor and Dale Manion and convince them to come out of hiding.

Chime in Lake Effectors!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Symptoms/Smoking Popes this Saturday

If anyone likes the smell of melting steel and burning rubber and enjoys seeing down and out people roaming the streets aimlessly then come to Highland, IN to see Jimmy Swingset and the Symptoms open up for the legendary Smoking Popes! I think we go on @ 8:00 PM.

If anyone wants to lure David into going, it's not far from the casinos.

See you there Symptomaddicts!

p.s.-thanks to all of you that came to see us @ Cobra Lounge! It was a blast.


to david with love

Taking Bout a revolution

And it won't sound like a whisper! Heather and her cohorts in the 60's cover band will be playing tomorrow night (Fri) at Weeds, 1555 N Dayton St, starting at 9:30 PM. Join me there for drinks and sixties classics!

**poster NOT designed by Quickdraw

I Don't Get It

Blind Irishman sees with the aid of son's tooth in his eye

Thu Feb 28, 1:30 AM ET

An Irishman blinded by an explosion two years ago has had his sight restored after doctors inserted his son's tooth in his eye, he said on Wednesday.

Bob McNichol, 57, from County Mayo in the west of the country, lost his sight in a freak accident when red-hot liquid aluminium exploded at a re-cycling business in November 2005.

"I thought that I was going to be blind for the rest of my life," McNichol told RTE state radio.

After doctors in Ireland said there was nothing more they could do, McNichol heard about a miracle operation called Osteo-Odonto-Keratoprosthesis (OOKP) being performed by Dr Christopher Liu at the Sussex Eye Hospital in Brighton in England.

The technique, pioneered in Italy in the 1960s, involves creating a support for an artificial cornea from the patient's own tooth and the surrounding bone.

The procedure used on McNichol involved his son Robert, 23, donating a tooth, its root and part of the jaw.

McNichol's right eye socket was rebuilt, part of the tooth inserted and a lens inserted in a hole drilled in the tooth.

The first operation lasted ten hours and the second five hours.

"It is pretty heavy going," McNichol said. "There was a 65 percent chance of me getting any sight.

"Now I have enough sight for me to get around and I can watch television. I have come out from complete darkness to be able to do simple things," McNichol said.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Fuller Park in Action

Taken yesterday...the kids were learning "Starfish & Coffee"

For those who like to get LAWST!

creepiest website that doesn't mean to be creepy?

Seriously. There is a site for everything

Bitch is the New Black

The Librarian hipped me to this bit from last weekend's SNL, in which Tina Fey stumps for Hillary Clinton--good stuff. I dedicate this post to Eva. "Bitches get stuff done."

How Do You React....

When part of your own celebrity mix dies?

Que Rico!

QD and I had such a great trip to Puerto Rico! We went to the small island of Vieques, just off the east coast of the big island. We swam, looked for shells, played cards, slept late, biked, hitchhiked, kayaked, drank frozen drinks, etc.
Puerto Rico is great beacause:

1. Its 4.5 hours direct from Chicago for the same price as flying to Miami.
2. Its a US territory so theres no passports or money changing required and cell phone reception is good (this can also be a con!)
3. Everybody is super friendly
4. Its lush, tropical, and relatively untouched.

heres a few pix:

A remote beach on the island

Wild Horses everywhere! This one came right up to our blanket on the beach to say hello

Simo can't get comfortable during a long delay on the way home

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


The Chamber Strings: "Telegram"


Yes, I hate soccer, but check out this Rad footwork!


Moishe is to Mira Sorvino

As Chuck is to Liza!!!!!!
This is blogger Dooce's dog.
It looks soo much like LiWei!

On today

Did anyone notice the annoying banner ads all over Salon - FOR THE AIR FORCE?! Fucking recruiting on Salon! I appreciate the fact that they are widening the net beyond high school gyms in the inner city, but the blanket of ads on Salon is a bit off-putting.

In case you thought academics were intellectuals...

The "researcher" whose office is across the hall from me has a sign taped to her door that reads, "If humans were supposed to pop out of bed in the morning, we'd all sleep in toasters!" I'll let you imagine the accompanying cartoon image.

Monday, February 25, 2008

My first post! (maybe my last)

John, the guitarist from Crystal Palace (my first band while still in high school-1984-85, and a guy I occasionally still do some gigs with) just sent me a link to some you tube videos of the band circa 1980. While all of the videos are entertaining in a very special Spinal Tap sort of way, the one above is just hilarious. Wait for gets really good at 1:11 in. ending ever.

I believe that the Hitmaker and possibly Biche played in a rival group at the battle of the bands in the Niles North High School Gymnasium in '85. I can't remember, did you guys win? I believe my friends band Synesthesia may have won because they were all Seniors and they played a wicked version of Foreplay/Long Time.


Sunday, February 24, 2008

My Ballot

Predictions, not my personal choices. Anyone else care to weigh in?

Dark horse is Michael Clayton for Best Picture...

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Happy Graduation David Singer

You're all growns up and you're all growns up!!

We love you Alvy Singer, Bachelor of Arts.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

A little more Syl

Well now Alvy mentioned Syl Johnson (great song, by the way), and that reminded me that Simo had too. And I consider two such references a trend, and thus indicative of some pent-up demand for some slightly less well-known Chicago soul:

Download Don't Do It, and Concrete Reservation.

Ghost Post-Obama Montana

This sent in from Weinberg:

Ticketing snafu sends Obama supporters to ‘Hannah Montana’ concert-- with no discernable impact

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA. -- A computer error traced back to an on-line ticket broker sent thousands of pre-teen music fans to a rally for U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.) Monday night in this oceanside community. Meanwhile, just miles away, the same glitch resulted in TV's "Hannah Montana" entertaining a crowd of voters who had gathered for a speech by the Democratic presidential candidate.

As it turns out-- just about everybody seemed to get what they wanted.

When the overwhelmingly female and largely pre-pubescent crowd of conert-goers arrived at the 15,000-seat Verizon Arena, neither they nor hundreds of the parents accompanying them had any reason to think that they were about to hear a political stump speech.

They entered to the sound of pulsating techno-pop music and were greeted by Obama campaign volunteers identifiable only by their florescent t-shirts emblazoned with the appropriately upbeat slogan: "Young People Rock!" Once they arrived at their seats, the so-called “tweeners” found plastic glowsticks—coincidentally, a staple of the audience-participation at both "Hannah Montana" concerts and recent Obama for President rallies.

"My little Jennie has seen 'Hannah'-- I don't know-- maybe six times. Plus we took a bunch of her friends to that 'High School Musical on Ice'," said Roy Burke, 40, of Charlottesville, Va., who entered the stadium assuming that he and his daughter were about to see cable t.v.'s biggest star. "This is pretty much what those shows are like. "

"Maybe I should have figured it out when I saw the Secret Service agents,” he said. “They looked intense—but, I assumed they were just Disney security."

Obama's entrance was preceded by a benediction from the Rev. Jerome McScythe, which many audience members interpreted as a prayer in honor of the 14-year old music idol. "Lord, thank you for delivering to us a young person so clearly inspired by Your Word, someone whose own words touch us, lift us up and give us hope," said the clergyman, as thousands of young girls and their parents were seen nodding in agreement. It was only then then that Obama, 46, entered the stage.

If the candidate noticed the mix-up, it did not seem to impact his performance. The first-term lawmaker largely stuck to the same themes that he had used earlier in the day during a noontime speech in Columbus, Ohio and during an afternoon appearance on the "Trya Banks" show.

"We can do anything we set our minds to," said Obama to shrieks of approval from the crowd, the majority of whom will be ineligible to vote for president until 2016.

"Don't just listen to what your parents are saying. Don't worry about what those presidents from back in the olden days-- like ol' Bill Clinton-- are sayin’, gettin' all up in your face, talking about 'experience'," he said.

"They're history. You and I are going to make history," he announced to the delight of the crowd, still reading from the TelePrompter.

The incident appeared to have been set in motion when the Obama campaign contracted with Ticketmaster, Inc., to distribute free tickets in advance of the rally. Although the campaign does not charge admission to its events, the Obama advance team was hoping to avoid the logistical complications that have plagued the campaign since it began attracting overflow crowds at other indoor venues across the nation.

The snafu occurred when a computer worker based at Ticketmaster's call center in Noida, India accidentally transposed the address for the Verizon Arena with that of the student center at Tidewater Community College, the site of the Obama rally. The two venues are both located within Virginia Beach, and are a mere two miles apart.

Both events were scheduled to begin at 7:30 p.m.

"After the Senator took the stage over at the Verizon Center and that little girl started singing over at the college, someone detected the problem within 10-15 minutes tops," said company spokesman Hank Torres. At approximately 7:45 p.m., Ticketmaster representatives on-site at each event announced to members of both audiences that something was amiss. By 7:50, the problem had been identified, and the company announced that it would arrange for free transportation to the alternate site.

"But, the truth is, nobody took us up on the offer," Torres said. "People seemed fine where they were. I am not sure everybody really noticed the difference."

Indeed, while Obama's pre-adolescent crowd cheered loudly at key applause lines in his speech, Miley Cyrus (the actress who plays the title character on the Disney Channel’s top-rated program) was treated to equally enthusiastic feedback from her audience, made up of many newly-registered voters and people drawn to presidential politics for the first-time. Especially loud cheers from the Obama faithful were reserved for Cyrus' songs "Bigger Than Us", "We Got The Party", and "One in a Million."

"Those songs, those lyrics. That's exactly what I have been saying at our meetings," said Madison Tyler, 38, who identified herself as the treasurer and co-founder of the "Barack Fan Club" for the Hampton Roads area.

"She has really tapped into something-- something huge!," she said while waiting for Cyrus to return to stage for her encore.

Not everyone was as pleased, however.

"I thought that his comments were a little general, a little too vague for my liking," said Lindsay McPeete, a seventh-grader from Roanoke, Va., after the Obama speech. "I thought he should have said how he would achieve universal health care. But, I guess he's cool."

"He reminds me of that substitute teacher we had that one time-- remember, Lindsay?," said her friend Tabitha Claxton.

"Oh, yeah," said Lindsay, now giggling.

"Mr. Murton!," they both squealed in unison.

"We were like, 'ughh, do we have to do math?' And he was like, 'how about—let’s go around the room and everybody tell a joke with numbers in them.' Remember, Lindsay? When we got to tell math jokes? Remember? It was cool...I guess," recalled Tabitha.

"Much better than Mrs. Jennings," she added. "She always makes us do math. Regular math."

"Uggh. You're right-- so much better than Mrs. Jennings!," said Lindsay in agreement, as the two girls pantomimed gagging gestures.

# # #

Joe De Vivre

There is an INSANE amount of good music for free at this here blogsite.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Best Part of Moving uncovering shit like this. From my birthday @ Chicago Indoor Motorspeedway who the fuck knows how long ago. What I do remember is I took the checker (natch).

Someone Better Post Today

....or we'll have to kick some ass.

Billy Joel - "Big Shot"

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Three Cheers

Thanks and congratulations to Tony and Mike!!! What a great thing to do for everyone. Let's come up with cool ideas like this and do them every few months forever.

Life is a Cabaret, Old Chums

David & Eva:Jon Brion & Fiona Apple :: Sylvie's:______

A. Largo
B. Madison Square Garden
C. Helen's Two Way Lounge
D. Lawry's

Endless Love

Romance never sounded so smooth. Sorry it's so dark.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Friday, February 15, 2008

Late breaking realization

McCartney's kind of foxy with a beard

On a related note....

Oasis discusses Radiohead:

Liam Gallagher

"Radiohead? Boring bunch of fookin' students. I'll kick their fookin' heads in, man, 'cause they're dicks."

10.2001, NME
About his band's upcoming album: "It's punk rock. And moody. And well done, proper - none of that weird fooking Radiohead bollocks, none of that indie fooking rubbish. It's the Pistols and the Beatles, man - it's us."

Noel Gallagher
10.2001, Hot Press

"It’s a matter of taste I know but, personally, I was well miffed to see OK Computer atop the Q ‘100 Greatest Albums Of All Time’. I’m a fan of records, not bands. There’s even stuff that The Beatles did which I wouldn’t bother replacing if they were robbed off me. The Bends is a great record, but OK Computer and Amnesiac… I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. There’s nothing on ‘em that wasn’t being done by Faust 25-years ago."

05.2003, N.M.E.
"I heard the single. I like it because it doesn't annoy me. But then again with Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood in a band, they're going to be great, put them together and you get genius.But I don't get the whole angst thing, I don't like The Vines, except for 'Get Free' - great track, but what have they got to be pissed off about? They live in Sydney, the most beautiful city in the word. The Coral come from Liverpool and they have the right to be pissed off, but they write beautiful songs about how great life could be - they are geniuses. Radiohead have sold twenty million albums and they're still miserable? I can tell you from personal experience - it's not that bad. Trust me."

Noel & Liam
05.2002, Q

Q: Were you good husbands?
Noel:"I get unfairly singled out about marriage. No one asks Thom Yorke about his marriage."
Liam:"She's probably a miserable bastard like him. The miserable ginger dwarf and his miserable wife. Who wants to know about them?"
Q: Radiohead aren't bad though, are they?
Noel:"No! Radiohead don't want anyone else involved in that little thing they've got going on. Their thing is: Don't look at us. Don't photo us. Don't interview us. In fact, don't listen to our music. Where does it end? It ends with Thorn Yorke saying I've written the most fantastic piece of classical music ever but the only way you can hear it is by jamming a jack plug into my ear."
Liam: "They're a band of Morris dancers."
Noel: "They seem so pissed off being in a band. That doesn't inspire kids to pick up guitars. They're moaning about the marketing, the videos. If I was 15 I'd think, I'll get a job down the car wash. Whereas us, we love it. It's the best job in the world. Granted, some of the stuff on Amnesiac is brilliant. The Bends is the bollocks. 'Karma Police' is mega. But they don't want people like me to like their music so they can go and fuck themselves."

House of Yorke

EMI is releasing "Radiohead's Greatest Hits" without the band's permission. Which cover should they go with?

Radiohead - "The National Anthem"

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Umm...You're not supposed to say that on TV

Can't Fight the Geezer! (Geeeezaaahhh)

Happy Valentine's Day from the Singers

IDEA #467

Lake Effect Family Jamboree

We book an afternoon in some club and have our own wiggleworms show, where each act picks a children's song and then we invite all of our friends and their kids and put on a show for them. Really, I'm just looking for an way to play "Its alright to cry" in public, so dibs on that one!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Other Bolyn.....yaaaawwwwwhhhhhh

from the new W.
Can someone please give photographers something else to do? Enough!

a conversation at ford models, inc

alice: "oh hi, gwen (my coworker). how are you?"
gwen: "i'm alright - kind of worried about my mom. she's having hip replacement surgery today"
alice: "right. i'm sure she'll be fine..."
gwen: "yeah, she will. she always goes all out before a surgery. you know, full make up, bikini wax, mani/pedi....the works"
alice: "um....really....?"
gwen: "yeah! she figures, when else do you have a room full of men focused entirely on you!?"'

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Jesus saves...your look

SINGAPORE - A cosmetics range with cheeky taglines that extolled the virtues of "Looking Good for Jesus" has been pulled from stores in Singapore after some Roman Catholics complained the items were disrespectful, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

dipping my toes in the lake

so, i've been silently reading the blog for quite a while now and i finally feel ready to take a dip.
i have to admit i rarely have the time to keep up with you quick-witted, childless folks but i am going to try. 2 first crushes were on rod (who else) and alvin stardust....and john mayer is in no way acceptable. ok. that's it for now.

Person afflicted with Clintonianism: Subject A

The Boy Can't Help It

Fine! I admit it! Resistance is futile. I like John Mayer.
Yes, "Daughters" and "Your Body is a Wonderland" make me crazy, but I like him. Plus, he is a wicked good guitarist.

Indulge Me!

Introducing Lucy Violet Awalt, my neice, born Feb 12th to my sister Brooke and her husband Greg! Named after our grandma, she clocked in at 8 lbs, 6 oz. and 22 inches.
We get to meet her in just a couple days!

What More Do We Need To Know?

If they ever go after Obama for his 'youthful indiscretions,' his campaign should trot this out. like a swiftboat thing.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Disposable Income Got You Down?

I'm registering here for my birthday:

From the Huffington Post

Tres interesante.....

Gore, More Than Before
Posted February 8, 2008 | 05:44 PM (EST)
By Larry Abrams

I almost called this post "The Last Temptation of Barack Obama," but that would have been slightly deceptive. In this case, the Temptation is not Obama's but my own. Does one drain the chalice and support Obama for no reason other than the rapture he has inspired? And more broadly, is the Left as a whole compelled to get on the Obama train before they're left behind?
You'd have to be a fool to deny the possibility but I have a feeling we'll all be there to meet the Obama train when it pulls in at the station in Denver this August, and with the prospect of a deadlocked Democratic Convention before us.
When Bill Clinton called Obama's candidacy "the biggest fairytale" he's "ever seen," he was mistaken. Obama's candidacy is the second biggest fairytale we've ever seen. The biggest fairytale is the true story of every horned and spiky thing that has ever spewed out of Bill Clinton's triangulatin', prevaricatin' mouth.
Like it or not, everything in Hillary's candidacy proceeds from Bill's legacy of lies, betrayals, and corporate whoredom. Hillary is good on the issues, but her chief campaign and media consultant is the PR guy for Blackwater. Hillary would support campaign finance reform and a ban on lobbying but if she did, how could she raise the hundreds of millions of dollars necessary to get her elected so she could do all the wonderful things she's always dreamed of doing for us.
Hillary still invokes her days working at the Children's Defense Fund under Marion Wright Edelman, but Edelman cut off the Clintons when Bill went after kids on welfare in 1996, to please his new Republican friends in the House.
Hillary now cries when reminded of her youthful idealism working at the Child Study Center in New Haven, but I don't think she's crying wistfully about the road not taken; rather, she's crying about the compromises she's had to make along the highway to power. Hillary and Bill would say that they had to make those compromises "to maintain their viability in the system," that they made those compromises for us.
The rest of us might say, of course, who asked them? The Clinton's live in a cocoon of self-deception and though I'm sure they regard themselves as "good people," when Bill and Hillary walk through a room there is a faint whiff of sulfur in their wake.
From a Democratic Party perspective though, the biggest problem with Hillary is not so much that she's in league with the forces of darkness as that she can't beat John McCain. The reason she can't, is because Republicans won't vote for her, most Independents won't vote for her, and people like me won't vote for her.
Basta! We've had enough.
Obama can beat McCain, and will if given the chance. The prospect of beating Hillary and McCain should be enough to get everyone on board the Obama train.
Personally, though, I am ambivalent. The Obama campaign has been brilliantly executed, a true phenomenon. Obama is a genuinely charismatic guy. The Obama people have out organized the Clinton and Edwards people on the ground, and their candidate is a seamless fit with his message. But what is this campaign actually about?
It's about "change" they tell us.
Still, when Obama says "we've got to go forward, and not go back," I wonder how this would sound if there weren't ten thousand people screaming in approval. We're told that Obama's campaign is different, singular even. However much of Obama's message is vaguely reminiscent of Jimmy Carter, or the first Bill Clinton campaign, and like Clinton and Carter, Obama is coming at his Democratic primary opponent from both the Right and the Left simultaneously.
The one difference, and the telling difference between these campaigns, is that Obama IS the change that everyone else has talked about up until now. We know this because Obama tells us so, and one assumes he genuinely believes it. Obama is a black person who doesn't scare white people, but embraces them. When he talks about a new era of unity, he believes that too and so might we all.
It follows though, that the difference with Obama's campaign, is that it's more a belief thing than a political thing; a messianic thing even, and with ten thousand people screaming, "Yes, he's the One," who am I--or you--to say no?
So, let me just say it. No, I don't feel like playing the fool for Barack Obama.
I've been a John Edwards supporter this election, but now it's time for Gore, more than before.
Al Gore has many things to recommend him. As opposed to Hillary, he actually is quite experienced. Hillary's supposed 35 years of experience consists of exactly seven years of elective office.
As opposed to Obama, Gore really is a candidate of systemic change, and he's got the Nobel Prize to prove it.
Gore has been writing and talking about the slide of the culture into a televised, corporate consumptionist abyss, and the dangers this poses to a democratic
Gore was among the earliest and most vocal to attack Bush and Cheney on the illegal, immoral recklessness of going into Iraq, and he's been on them ever since.
Gore is not only the best Democratic candidate who could be put up at this point, he might end up being the only alternative at a deadlocked convention.
A Gore-Obama ticket would be a winning Democratic combination -- for a change -- in November.
In part 2 of this post, I'll discuss ideas, tactics and strategies -- crackpot and otherwise -- for making this happen.

Colbert FTW!

Absolutely kills me. With no writers, btw.

page france

I like this song, "Chariot", by a band called Page France. I heard it during my recent attempt to watch every episode of Weeds in three days. Is it just me, or does he sound like the guy from Wheat? Or is it someone else? Help me out here....

Page France - "Chariot"
Wheat - "Death Car"

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Colbert Dance Moves

the Best!

Message to Hillary

here it is! Be sure to check out his "guitar work"

Friday, February 8, 2008

Nice wine rack

"Um, excuse me, but your boobs seem to be shrinking." Someone better get on this and start marketing the Wine Bro.

Celebrity Crush

my first were Toni Tenille and Wonder Woman, I wonder about the rest of you?

For You Simo!

I may have posted this before...but - LET"S HERE IT FOR THE CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE!!!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

More Leo

I was inspired by the Developher.

Dance Break!

Sing with me and Leo (SAYER!)...

Any Lake Effectors need an acoustic guitar

Not rhetorical. If anyone knows someone who wants to learn guitar, this one is pretty cheap. Just spotted the ad, so I thought I'd mention it.


Mitt Romney drops out, and leaves us with this gem:

“If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or Obama would win.

And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign, be a part of aiding a surrender to terror,” he said during the conference. Members of the audience shouted, “No!” as Mr. Romney spoke."

By that logic ...

This Is How You Uke It

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Shredding Is 4 Lovers

Enjoy Bitches!

Kid Million - "Ash Wednesday At Hipster Central"

It may be my birthday but...


Face HOF Nominee

Chicago Sun Times: Correction: That would be Lez Zeppelin at Bonnaroo, not Led Zeppelin:

Several media outlets — including the Associated Press, Britain’s NME and the Sun-Times — reported early this morning some very exciting news: that Led Zeppelin was finally booked for a stateside gig at the Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival.

Problem is — it’s not happening.

The actual band booked for the festival — and trumpeted atop yesterday’s lineup press release — is Lez Zeppelin. That would be the all-female Led Zeppelin tribute band.

Rumors had been circulating for months that Led Zeppelin would make its stateside landfall at the Bonnaroo festival.

All Hail The Diva

Happy Birthday Eva!!!!

More Artwork

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


The Tragedy of Britney Spears

A pop star at the mall is an eternal cause for happiness, especially on a Sunday afternoon in the Valley. One moment, shoppers in the Westfield Topanga mall are living in the real world, monotonously selecting a new shade of eye shadow or rubbing perfume on wrists, but upon the rapture of Britney Spears, they are giggling, laughing, orgasmic, already sharing their secret on cell phones. "Her legs are actually really skinny," an adolescent whispers into her Sidekick, as Britney beelines for the Betsey Johnson boutique, pseudo-punk designer of evening dresses and splashy heels worn to suburban high school proms. In person, Britney is shockingly beautiful — clear skin, ruby lips, a perfectly proportioned twenty-six-year-old porcelain doll with a nasty weave. She cuts through the crowd swiftly, the way she used to when 20,000 adoring fans mobbed her outside a concert, with her paparazzi boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, trailing behind.

Only a few kids are in the store, a young girl with her brother and two blondes checking out fake-gold charm bracelets. Britney rifles the racks as the Cure's "Pictures of You" blasts into the airless pink boutique, grabbing a pink lace dress, a few tight black numbers and a frilly red crop top, the kind of shirt that Britney used to wear all the time at seventeen but isn't really appropriate for anyone over that age. Then she ducks into the dressing room with Ghalib. He emerges with her black Am Ex.

The card won't go through, but they keep trying it.

"Please," begs Ghalib, "get this done quickly."

One of the girls runs to Britney's dressing room, explaining the situation through a pink gauze curtain.

A wail emerges from the cubby — guttural, vile, the kind of base animalistic shriek only heard at a family member's deathbed. "Fuck these bitches," screams Britney, each word ringing out between sobs. "These idiots can't do anything right!"

Ghalib dashes over to console her, but she's already spitting, growling, throwing a big bottle of soda on the floor so that it begins to spill underneath the curtain, and then she's got a box of tissues and is throwing them on top of the wet floor along with piles of discarded merchandise. A new card finally goes through, but by then Britney is out the door, leaving her shirt on the ground and replacing it with the red top. "Fuck you, fuck people, fuck, fuck, fuck," she keeps screaming, her face splotchy and red as she crosses the interminable mall floor, the crowd behind her growing larger and larger. "Leave us alone!" yells Ghalib.

The siblings run after Britney to get a video to put up on YouTube, and some of the shopgirls run after her to hand off the merchandise she left behind, and there's an entire bridal party wearing yellow T-shirts who have pulled out camera phones too. A crush of managers in black shirts and gold name tags try to keep the peace, but the crowd running after Britney gets larger, and now the shopgirls have ­started to catch up to her, one of them slipping spectacularly in her platform shoes, grazing her elbow. She pulls herself up, mustering the strength to tap Britney's shoulder. "Um, I'm from the South too," she mumbles, "and I was wondering if I could get a picture with you for my little sister."

Britney turns to Ghalib and grabs his arm. "I don't want her talking to me!" she screams. She whirls around and stares the girl deep in the eyes, her lips almost vibrating with anger. "I don't know who you think I am, bitch," she snarls, "but I'm not that person."

Olbermann Gets 'er Done

Even just the first 20 seconds are great.

Hannah and her splinters

Seen in Logan Square...

Monday, February 4, 2008

Whither Shecky?

Adel, get cracking!

The Tears Redux

I cry at least as much as the next person, but this seems a little weird.

Someone calls Mrs. Clinton a champion of children in an obsequious introduction, and she actually cries? The day before the primary again? This is someone who does multiple public appearances a day, all of which feature a glowing tribute/introduction from a politician, celebrity, etc.--this is not someone who has never been lauded publicly.


Newest Lad?


I did the music for this spot. Billy pointed out that Dick Devine has snot coming out of his nose. Enjoy.

In Cold Weather, Wear Light Layers

What Election?

It's quite possible I found this funny only because I am trying to avoid actual work, but I presume some of you find yourselves in similar circumstances, so....

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Super Tuesday Feature

From the Tribune's Compare The Candidates feature:


Hillary Rodham Clinton: Voted to authorize the invasion of Iraq but says she wouldn't have done so if she knew then what she knows now. Opposed troop increase. Says she would order military leaders to develop a plan that would start bringing U.S. troops home within the first 60 days of her administration. However, she has not committed to a withdrawal timetable and says some troops will have to remain to continue fighting terrorism in Iraq and the region.

Barack Obama: Opposed the war from the start and opposed the troop increase. Promises that as president he would immediately begin to remove U.S. troops. Would bring out one or two combat brigades per month until all were withdrawn within 16 months. Would keep some troops in Iraq to protect U.S. diplomats and to fight Al Qaeda if necessary.

Health care
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Keep existing coverage or access the same private insurance options that their Members of Congress receive through a new Health Choices Menu.

Barack Obama: Create a new national health plan to allow individuals without access to affordable insurance coverage to buy coverage similar to that available to members of Congress.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Supports permanently ending marriage penalty, extending the lower-income tax rates and providing a deduction for college tuition

Barack Obama: Increase the number of working parents eligible for Earned Income Tax Credits, increase the benefit available to parents who support their children through child support payments and reduce the marriage penalty.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Supports the DREAM Act, which provides a path to citizenship through military service or higher education.

Barack Obama: Supports new employment eligibility verification system and the Citizenship Promotion Act to ensure fair immigration application fees.

Gay marriage

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Opposes same-sex marriage, favors civil unions. Says it's a state issue.

Barack Obama: Opposes same-sex marriage, supports civil unions.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Supports a $50 billion Strategic Energy Fund, paid for in part by oil companies, to fund investments in alternative energy.

Barack Obama: Supports implementing an economy-wide cap-and-trade program to reduce greenhouse gas emissions to the level recommended by top scientists.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Seeks to reopen North American Free Trade Agreement to strengthen enforcement of labor and environmental standards.

Barack Obama: Seeks to reopen NAFTA to strengthen enforcement of labor and environmental standards.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Supports abortion rights, but says "pro-choice" does not mean "pro-abortion." Has called abortion "a sad, even tragic choice to many, many women," and urged better sex education to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Barack Obama: Supports abortion rights. Urges efforts to reduce teen pregnancy, "making it less likely for women to find themselves in these circumstances."

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Proposes stimulus package of up to $110 billion, including $40 billion in tax rebates, a $30 billion fund to help states and cities deal with housing foreclosures, a 90-day moratorium on foreclosures and a five-year interest-rate freeze on subprime mortgages.

Barack Obama: Wants to use $75 billion in tax cuts and direct spending to stimulate the economy. Would provide immediate $250 tax cut to workers and their families, and an immediate, temporary $250 bonus to seniors in their Social Security checks.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Wants prekindergarten for all 4-year-olds. Opposes performance-based merit pay for teachers, favors incentives for teachers in high-need places and subjects. Supported No Child Left Behind accountability law but says it has not been properly financed or run.

Barack Obama: Would encourage but not require universal prekindergarten. Wants to reward teachers with higher pay not tied to standardized test scores. Wants to change No Child Left Behind "so that we're not just teaching to a test and crowding out programs like art and music."

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Girl Power

Well, she's got the "Anorexic Snatchbag" vote all locked up...

Friday, February 1, 2008


For some reason I have several ridiculous pics, such as this one, of the Hof. My question (and challenge?) to you all - how many more are out there waiting to be discovered (and posted)?

I play music (soccer) too!

Hey All Those Effecting The Lake,

I'm in a new band. We're called the Symptoms. We have our first show next Friday 2/8 @ The Cobra Lounge.

It'll be the best 21 minutes of your week.

Hope to see you there-you might be well surprised at what you hear!

Thanks to Joey Garfield for the artwork.