Tweets Of The Week

pattonoswalt Patton Oswalt
I've now decided I am against gay marriage, but also support straight married couples being forced to act super-faggy.

hannibalburess Hannibal Buress
I lost my cellphone - T-Mobile lady: Did you lose the SIM Card too- Me: Naw, I pocketed it because I knew I was about to lose my phone.

MJMcKean
I'm like a very low-rent Jesus: I turn water into whizz.

MarylandMudflap
I walked past a dog walking on a treadmill in the window of a dog spa and I wanted to get angry but I have to say: That dog had a great ass.

morgan_murphy
speaking of segregation, I just had a civil rights movement. (took a dump in the back of a bus)

morgan_murphy
there's nothing less fuckable than a man eating a salad.

robdelaney
No animals were harmed in the making of "Zookeeper," but 14 of the animals in it have committed suicide since shooting wrapped.

thesulk
Scientology has spaceships?! Crazy! I'll stick to my guy who parted the sea with his mind.

thesulk
America is the sound of the Family Feud audience repeating unanswered answers in unison.

JennyJohnsonHi5
Volkswagen Jettas run on sorority girls' tears and ranch dressing.

JennyJohnsonHi5
"I'm super into the Goo Goo Dolls, you guys." - said the guy who has never seen human pussy

JennyJohnsonHi5
Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.

sportsguy33
Watching "Knight & Day" on HBO right now. Torre and Zimmer had more sexual chemistry than Cruise and Diaz.

MarylandMudflap
Don't you just hate it when you're watching Swimfan & S'ing your own D and a stranger walks in and says, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!"

danielralston
Can I just hear Werner Herzog say the word 'viscosity' ONE TIME IN MY FUCKING LIFE!

robdelaney
BAD NEWS: I threw up all over your couch. GOOD NEWS: Christ died for our sins so you don't have to be an asshole about it

Thursday Feature!

It's Cubs vs. Sox rivalry week, and coincidentally I just got these two plates.


This one was on the way to The Cell, featuring Hawk's siganture call:




And this one sums up the north side franchise pretty succinctly.

Tweets Of The Week

3rdand10 Will Kane
I'll take George Harrison, Ghostbusters, and Vicodin. You guys can have the rest.

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
How many times during the filming of Fast 5 do you think the Rock, Diesel, Walker & Tyrese woke up in bed together, naked, covered in jizz?

MarylandMudflap Scotty L.
I wonder if the sound guy on the Sopranos wakes up in the night screaming after having nightmares about James Gandolfini's nose breathing.

pattonoswalt Patton Oswalt
Have the Vancouver riot police turned on the maple syrup cannons yet?

NekoCase Neko Case
Sorry, @deltaairlines, why are you such a dick?

MarylandMudflap
If you need me I'll be at the farmer's market with all the other white people who think eating organic food will make us live forever.

mortsahlsays Mort Sahl
Obama urged Weiner to resign, which is yet another example of the sinking ship deserting the rats.

CoachieX B.A. Rosenblum
wxrt just played a song by Marvin Gaye as part of their Father's Day set. Seriously. What are they, me?

morgan_murphy Morgan Murphy
When I was a kid, I had one of those nets you throw a baseball against and it bounces it back to you. Happy Fathers Day to that net.

mirandanmf miranda brown
if you don't like billy squier, you're wrong.

(this one is actually sort of touching)
ochocinco Chad Ochocinco
Left hand is trembling uncontrollably as if I'm out of my element. Weird feeling but cool as hell to see dad after how many years? Hmmm 17

JennyJohnsonHi5
I'm sure Tiger Woods wishes he would've won the US Open today, then fingered a buttload of skanks with his penis.

Andy_Richter
Also, congrats to HBO on the launch of their first spin-off series, Tremè: Miami.

robdelaney rob delaney
I'm hoping the success of "Bad Teacher" & "Horrible Bosses" will convince Hollywood to make my movie, "Cunty Dermatologists."

JennyJohnsonHi5 Jenny Johnson
Dumpster Muff RT @KimKardashian: Help me choose a new name for my jewelry line!

Great Marquees

We were there to see a live taping of the most excellent Canadian radio show "Q" - but the top billing looked promising, too.

Lake Effect

Seriously, you're too busy to stop by and check Lake Effect every so often? You can't take 15 seconds out of your busy day to share a funny or interesting tidbit with your friends? Nobody enjoys a sense of community anymore?

God, I hate you guys. Except Crescent, who I know WANTS to post more. I can just tell.

Thursday Feature!

Courtesy of an eagle-eyed friend.

Summer Jamz Gone By

I had no idea they were so awesome looking.