New Feature: Tweets Of The Week

I read 'em so you don't have to:

@MarylandMudflap
I hope Oprah spends a nice quiet night in with her closest friends - just scissoring Gayle softly while Steadman plays with his train set.

@BretEastonEllis Bret Easton Ellis
Kirsten Dunst looked a lot sadder when I ran out of coke at an Oscar party 5 years ago than at the Von Trier press conference at Cannes...

@JennyJohnsonHi5
I nicknamed my stepdaughter "The Village" because she's such a huge disappointment.

@iamcolinquinn
If you want to see the real New York the way it was in the bad old days. check out a film called You've Got Mail.

@robdelaney rob delaney
Dammit, I just shit my pants. It's OK though; I'm at Kinko's.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Kim Kardashian wants her bachelorette party to be low key, just an E! camera crew and 100 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.

@AlbertBrooks
I missed Oprah's last show but to celebrate I bought my neighbor a car and gained 40 pounds.

@Chri55yBaby (Chris Owens from Girls)
"You have to be taught" is the most important song in South Pacific. Btw I hate assholes (the personality type not the body part)

@diplo
autotuning monkey and wolfs cause i just dont give a FUCK right now

@nealpollack
Why do I watch Treme? It's like reading an issue of an alternative weekly newspaper. The same issue. Every week.

@MarylandMudflap
I cant help myself. Every time I see an Army Surplus store I have to go inside and say, "I need a tent that sleeps 6 morbidly obese adults."

Breaking News from Utah

Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies

Redemption

I always have regarded Jimmy Fallon as one of the luckiest men alive, since he enjoys great fame and riches while rarely if ever delivering an actual joke. However! He has at least one genuine talent....

See:

This

&

This

SUMMER GOLD 2011

Listening to music has become an exclusively active pastime. Each of us is a constant DJ, making meticulously crafted playlists from individual songs we've downloaded from the world's largest record store. Even when we want something new, we find some niche internet radio station that narrows the spectrum of what we hear to the width of a human hair.

But there was a simpler time.

All of us, even Heather, is of an age where a summer afternoon at the beach or barbecue was soundtracked by a portable radio. And sometimes, if you were very lucky and out of the range of your normal FM waystations (WMET represent!), you could tune in some miraculous low-wattage signal pumping out a weird hybrid of songs you knew, more songs you sorta knew, and lots of songs you wished you knew.

There was a thrill of discovery then that is decidedly NOT equaled by blog-trawling for mp3s. A show of hands - how many of you sat by the radio with your tape deck on "Pause" waiting for your new favorite song to hit the airwaves? When your mix was finally complete, the first second and a half of each song warbled in, but after a few listens you knew what was next anyway and the phasey snaredrum that started "Centerfold" became part of your personal version of the song.

This is the experience that we here at WALV aim to provide. Let it ring from your rooftops. Let it fly through your open car windows. Let the good times roll, brothers and sisters.

SUMMER GOLD 2011

The critics agree: SG2011 is the perfect antidote to modern malaise!

"Right from fingerpicked opening notes of Air Supply's Lost in Love, I was transported back to the Clayton Pool during the Summer between 7th and 8th grade, lying on my back along the tiered platforms amidst a gaggle of friends, eating juju bees, staring up at the lone tin speaker on a post high above, my mind surging with the adolescent longing and possibility which swept in on the summer breeze over the trees and park benches of Shaw Park." - M. Night Simonalan, The Jimmycox Gazette

GET READY

TOMORROW
The long-awaited release of
SUMMER GOLD 2011


Prepare yourself emotionally for the throwback jams that will shape your summer.

Thursday Feature!

Sorry. I'm gonna have to go with H8.

Happy Anniversary

Way to go.

I wonder if MiniBicheandStella have the same anniversary, but smaller.

Whoa

I can't believe this works, but clearly it does.

The part where she gets in the pool blew my mind.

Baby Dre

Dr. Dre was already cool. I wonder if he had started lifting weights yet?

Thursday Feature!

This man's penis is so small you need an electron microscope to see it.

Dare

Wanna see something horrifying? Something really awful? Not like Saddam-hanging-video awful, but something that makes you question what it means to be human on a fundamental level? Not suitable for work. Or for home.

I dare you.

Thursday Double Feature

But spelling? Not that important.

Thursday Feature!

"Uh, yes, I'd like to get a personalized license plate. I need to express myself."

"Sure, what were you looking for?"

"Doesn't matter, how about 123456?"

"Ok.... looks like that's taken."

"Darn... How about 12345?"

"Taken."

"Hmmmm...."

Anchor Follies

Well said.

Breaking News

His name is Quincy.