Look at our beeouteeful girrrl on the Interweb!

So, I was looking up the movie Paul and Liza did on IMDB and I came across this stunning press photo of The Liza Weil, aka LiWi. She looks sultry, serious and fashionable. The Go Fug Yourself girls would be in awe.

Very nice Liza! Hubba, hubba!

no way

Adel & Alvy Blowin Up French MySpacers

Hi David , my name is Patrick and I live in Paris. I'm 37 and I'd thank u because you helped me to see the music differently. I'm fan of Duran Duran since 1983 and I hadn't heard music so beautiful and different i'm used to listen before I heard you. It's totally different from electropop but how much wonderful !
Now I'm listening you and an other singer from Doris. I 'd thank this other singer (Paul I think with a beautiful voice too) too but i don't know how i can join him. If you can help me. Thanx again. Hope see you soon in Paris
Pat

***That is his main profile photo***

Look out Liza, someone's got a new boyfriend!!
I gave him your address - That's cool, right?
He just needs to (ahem) "join him" real quick like.

PS - It's not totally different from electropop....

It's Not About Love: Fiona Apple/Zach Galifianakis

Special Bulletin: From the Desk of Eva the Shopping Diva

Paste Magazine is offering a pay-what-you-can yearly subscription.

You can't beat that with a stick.

http://www.pastemagazine.com/

WIthout Love, It Ain't Much

Mike and I were discussing the immediate heirs to Prince's legacy - there weren't very many who tried to actually do something with that sound. Then I remembered this 1985 song from Flint, MI boys Ready For The World, which completely cops the beat from the Prince-penned "Glamorous Life", which was a hit the year before for Sheila E.

RFTW went to #1, but Sheila E. & His Royal Badness only got as high as #7...

RFTW - "Oh Sheila"
Sheila E. - "The Glamorous Life"

The Redeemer

For the record, I hate stand up comedians. No, you don't understand. I REALLY hate them; and not just Dane Cook either. I truly think that, ultimately, no matter how funny they can be, they all, at the end of the day kind of suck. A stand up comedian's sad pandering and palpable desperation make me physically ill.

However, and I know I'm probably late to the game on this one, this individual, this cherub of chuckles, makes me laugh really hard. I don't know how or why, but he KILLS me.

Ladies and Gentleman...Zach Galifianakis

Great Moments in Correspondence

On 10/27/07, the sweet science < thesweetscience@gmail.com> wrote:
Hello -

I stopped in to see if you'd be interested in selling my record on consignment; you took a copy and said you'd listen to it and get back to me. I'm wondering if you've had a chance to check it out yet.... please let me know where we stand when you get a chance.

Thanks for your consideration.

Best,
David Singer

On Oct 28, 2007, at 8:30 PM, Permanent Records wrote:

we did review the cd and we'll take a pass for now.
thanks,
liz

Dear Liz,

I've given it some thought, and I've decided you're right. My work has such little value that no one in their right mind would want to listen to it, much less sell it. Forgive me for trying to muddy the pristine atmosphere of your shrine to "good" music with my adolescent fumbling.

I will be committing ritual suicide at the Bottle immediately before the Tim Kinsella show on Thursday. Thanks so much for helping me see the light.

Most sincerely yours,
David Singer

PS - Please destroy the copy of my record in your possession. I wouldn't want it to get around.

Hipsters Paradise

I can think of no better time to post this song then after the emergence of the brilliant Will Oldham-inspired piece of art below.

So as a toast to that, I give you Will and Tortoise covering Springsteen's Thunder Road.

True Bruce fans will probably be horrified, but i love this 100%. Tortoise kicks out a big synth jam, and Bonnie's delivery made me (bother to) appreciate the Boss's lyrics fully.

So ... enjoy. Or not.

Bonnie "Prince" Billy & Tortoise Thunder Road

Misheard Lyrics HALL OF FAME NOMINEE

Simo contends that every Pearl Jam song contains the line "'scuse me son" this subtitled PJ song doesn't, but it is quite brilliant.

My 1st (and last?) Post

stick with it. it's worth it.

Black Water Mercenary

Tony's costume had been in search of an identity since he left the house. When I saw him, it was Lou Reed and Michael Myers(Slasher, not SNL) that registered.



It was 2 AM at the basement party on Ashland, when the angel landed next to him, white eye lashes askew, looked him over and uttered the phrase

"Black Water Mercenary".

In appreciation, he offered her a favor of her choice in return. She asked if he was holding, but when Tony admitted he was a small time mercenary, she said $40 would do. He said how bout $5 and slipped a fin into her goodies pumpkin before she floated off.

Game Day

You see the darndest people at an anti-war rally, such as Chicago Bear's third-string (er, second?) Quarterback, Kyle Orton.




He was just standing in the crowd, by himself.

Bears fans and protest-attendees don't seem to have much overlap (other than my brother, who recognized him.)

Go Bears.

Almost Guaranteed to Cheer You Up

I know, I'm on a Colbert fixation lately, but this makes me smile each time. It's good for what ails ya.

Strange - He Doesn't Look Like A Scumbag...

(the best part is in bold)

Lord of the Douches

October 26, 2007 -- The former CEO of the leading supplier of body armor to U.S. soldiers in Iraq was charged yesterday with looting the company to bankroll a lavish lifestyle that included a $10 million bat mitzvah for his daughter.

In addition to the bat mitzvah - which included performances by Aerosmith, 50 Cent, Tom Petty, Kenny G and the Eagles - prosecutors said David Brooks got the firm, DHB Industries, to pay for other goodies.

Among them were a face lift for his ex-wife; vitamins for his stable of 100 horses; pricey vacations; fancy jewels; an armored car; a $194,000 Bentley; and a $100,000 diamond-studded belt buckle.

The elaborate scheme exploded yesterday when federal prosecutors unsealed a 21-count indictment accusing Brooks, 53, of securities fraud, insider trading, tax evasion and obstruction of justice. If convicted, he could spend the rest of his life behind bars.

Sandra Hatfield, 54, the company's former chief operating officer, was hit with similar charges.

Brooks founded DHB, which moved from Westbury, L.I., to Pompano Beach, Fla., last year, and served as its chairman and chief executive officer. He resigned last year as the scandal erupted.

According to the indictment, Brooks lined his pockets by having DHB underwrite his lifestyle and by artificially inflating the value of company stock.

He allegedly reaped $185 million by selling DHB stock when he learned that 6,000 bullet-proof vests the company made were about to be recalled for being faulty and not able to block bullets.

Hatfield, who left the firm in 2005, allegedly made $5 million in the scheme.

Brooks also was accused of evading taxes by giving money to charities he ran.

Brooks made headlines in November 2005, when he rented two floors of the Rainbow Room for the bat mitzvah of his daughter, Elizabeth.

He reportedly sent the company jet to fly Aerosmith in from Pittsburgh, paying them a cool $1 million. In return, they let his nephew play drums.

In honor of the band's appearance, Brooks changed from a black leather suit into a magenta suede biker outfit covered with chains.

The indictment said the body-armor tycoon spent $122,000 of company cash on iPods and digital cameras for his guests. It also revealed he shelled out $20,000 for leather-bound invitations to his son's bar mitzvah in 2000.

Brooks pleaded not guilty at his arraignment in federal court in Central Islip, L.I., and was held without bail pending a hearing Monday.

His lawyer, Paul Shechtman, said Brooks "grew up in Brooklyn and that means he doesn't run away from a fight."

Shechtman asked for bail of a mere $50 million. Prosecutor John Martin asked that no bail be granted, calling Brooks a serious flight risk.

"In my opinion, he will spend the rest of his life in jail," the prosecutor said. "Every couple of months, we uncover new crimes and new frauds he has committed."

Hatfield is expected to be arraigned next week.

The indictment accuses Brooks and Hatfield of falsely inflating the value of the inventory of DHB's top product, the Interceptor vest, to help meet earnings projections.

The scheme boosted the company's stock from $2 a share in early 2003 to nearly $20 a share in late 2004.

finger dancing

He must have practiced, which makes me sad.

It's Adventure Rock Weekend!

Feel it!

From The Desk of Carl Simons

My Dad sent this to me this morning

Hillary 2008

Sammy Does West Side Story

From the Sammy box set (which I do own) comes this vocal-and-bongos medley of the hits from West Side Story. He burns up Maria.

Listen to Sammy singing West Side Story medley.

RIP, Sammy.

My New Favorite Vocalist: Stephen Colbert

Colbert kicks it with Tony Bennett:


Busting it with Barry Manilow.

And watch him drop some mad harmonic science with John Hall of Orleans at the 5-minute mark.

Sick.

Everyone Gets What They Paid For

Johnny Wakelin and the Kinshasa Band had a big hit with this timely jam, "Black Superman", which came out right after Ali pounded George Foreman in the blazing Zaire heat in the summer of 1974. I particularly like his rhyme scheme, which in songwriting parlance is known as "nonexistent".

He then milked this idea again with his hit "In Zaire", which did much better than his other single....wait for it....click here.

Johnny Wakelin & The Kinshasa Band - "Black Superman"

The Pacific Demo

The Pacific Demo (using drums from Strangers)

Ocular Penetration Bill of 2007

muswell hillbillies

Shirley Jones & Gordon MacRae in Oklahoma!


Now Simo got me thinking about Muswell Hillbillies. Let's enjoy:

The Kinks - "Oklahoma U.S.A."

Totally Freaking Me Out

I had never heard the Kinks' songs "Strangers" until yesterday. Ever. I was going through some stuff I had downloaded in the previous weeks, made a random playlist, grabbed a few songs based on title, and listened in the car. When I heard this song, I immediately thought, "I'm going to post this on the blog under the heading Did Alvy Write This?!"
So, you can see how when I coincidentally finally asked Simo today for the FingerMe Blog URL, I was wigged out to see this: today's post.

Check out Simo's post about The Kinks' "Strangers."

Weirdos and Muzos and Douchebags, oh my!

Flosstradamus, Jimmy Jam, Kanye, Cheap Trick, Albini, Robin McBride, Neil Portnow, Plain White T's and Joe Shanahan?

BEST LAST LINE OF WASHINGTON PROCESS STORY EVER

The musicians and a host of environmental activists like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. oppose a provision in the Senate energy bill that would expand federal loan guarantees for nuclear power. The artists hope to find a sympathetic ear in Washington, at least in the House, given that John Hall, formerly of the band Orleans, and one of the ringleaders of the original no-nukes group, is currently a congressman from New York.

Polish Jazz Group Covers Peter Gabriel

No joke, this is awesome.

Flight of the Conchords Redux

Shanghai, check this version--it might win you over. Simo, enjoy. Dig it around 4:40 out....

Busy P is a terrible name in any language

Hipsters love to talk about Justice - but I don't dig on that shit. You know what I like? This song by "Busy P", the guy who runs their record label, Ed Banger. They're French. Get it? Headbanger? Who's with me? Hello?

Maybe I'm turning gay. I did listen to a whole New Order record yesterday, and I wasn't even in Club Monaco at the time. Wait - the song is called "Rainbow Man"....could it be part of a Homo-Franco agenda to gay up America?

I need to dance fucker. Can't you see?

Busy P - "Rainbow Man"

The Original "Take it to the Bridge"

I was in CVS when this came on...and stayed until it was over. I just couldn't help myself.

Ghost In The Machiggity

Critical re-evaluation: This is their best record. Sophisticated take on their punk/dub hybrid, but just before Sting disappeared forever up his own ass (although "Secret Journey" implied the end was near).

Best record cover by far, too.

The Police - "Invisible Sun"

Funniest TV Moment in 2007 Part 2

Comes exactly one minute in

God's Son

Nas plans to name his next album of original material Nigger, which is getting him a lot of electronic ink right now. When I first heard about it, I thought it sounded like a lame PR move, but now I think he might be onto something. Check out what he says to mtv.com:

"I'm a street disciple. I'm talking to the streets. Stay out of our business. You ain't got no business worrying about what the word 'nigger' is or acting like you know what my album is about without talking to me. Whether you in the NAACP or you Jesse Jackson. I respect all of them...I just want them to know: Never fall victim to Fox. Never fall victim to the shit they do. What they do is try to hurry up and get you on the phone and try to get you to talk about something you might not know about yet.

"If Cornell West was making an album called Nigger, they would know he's got something intellectual to say. To think I'm gonna say something that's not intellectual is calling me a nigger, and to be called a nigger by Jesse Jackson and the NAACP is counterproductive, counter-revolutionary.

"I wanna make the word easy on muthafuckas' ears. You see how white boys ain't mad at 'cracker' 'cause it don't have the same [sting] as 'nigger'? I want 'nigger' to have less meaning [than] 'cracker.' With all the bullshit that's going on in the world, racism is at its peak. I wanna do the shit that's not being done. I wanna be the artist who ain't out. I wanna make the music I wanna hear.

"We're taking power from the word. No disrespect to none of them who were part of the civil-rights movement, but some of my niggas in the streets don't know who [civil-rights activist] Medgar Evers was. I love Medgar Evers, but some of the niggas in the streets don't know Medgar Evers, they know who Nas is. And to my older people who don't now who Nas is and who don't know what a street disciple is, stay outta this muthafuckin' conversation. We'll talk to you when we're ready. Right now, we're on a whole new movement. We're taking power from that word."


Then again, he still hasn't come close to delivering on the promise of Illmatic.

Nas - "N.Y. State of Mind"

Apropos of Nothing

I was flipping channels, and happened across The Decemberists on Austin City Limits. You know what? I fucking hate them. I hate the way they sound. I hate the way they look. I hate the way they act. I hate all of their songs, even "Red Right Ankle", or whatever the fuck that thing is called. Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate.

That will be all.

Dream Team

A few years back, Karen O. and Kool Keith collaborated on the soundtrack to a "porn mashup movie" that was never released. Here's a taste of the soundtrack.

Straw. Bewwy.


This post is basically an excuse to use the KK alien autopsy photo above. PRICELESS.

Karen O. & Kool Keith - "The Teaser"

Our Cell Phones Go Public To Telemarketers Tomorrow

CELL PHONE NUMBERS GOING PUBLIC TOMORROW - REMINDER

Cell phone numbers going public tomorrow - REMINDER....all cell phone
numbers are being released to telemarketing companies tomorrow and you
will start to receive sale calls. ....YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE
CALLS

To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone:
1-888-382-1222.

It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your
time. It blocks your number for five (5) years. You must call from the
cell phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot call from a
different phone number. HELP OTHERS BY PASSING THIS ON TO ALL YOUR
FRIENDS. It takes about 20 seconds.

Daily Download - 2 for Thursday

I like Headache City so much I want to get them pregnant.

Headache City - "Headache City"
Headache City - "Knee Jerk Reaction"

Luke? Is That You?

Ben Gordon on trade speculation:

'I just think it's interesting,'' Gordon said of the Bryant speculation. ''If it's true that he's not going to play there, I know teams are going to be out there trying to get him. You just have to be ready for anything. You don't know where a guy like Kobe would end up.''

Randle With Care

Ok, things are getting even weirder. Turns out Mike Randle was a lead guitarist in Love. Here's his myspace page. Top friend? Jon Brion.

The song This is the Sound is quite groovy, while Mornin'Run suggests Harry Nillson (if he had zero writing chops) accompanied by a ballpark organist.


Mike Randle's Myspace page

DEPRESSING PRESCIENT QUOTATION OF THE DAY

The Most Dreaded Enemy of Liberty

Of all the enemies to public liberty war is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other. War is the parent of armies; from these proceed debts and taxes; and armies, and debts, and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few. In war, too, the discretionary power of the Executive is extended; its influence in dealing out offices, honors, and emoluments is multiplied; and all the means of seducing the minds, are added to those of subduing the force, of the people. . . . [There is also an] inequality of fortunes, and the opportunities of fraud, growing out of a state of war, and . . . degeneracy of manners and of morals. . . . No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare. . . .


4TH President of the United States of America, James Madison

I Need to Know What This Sounds Like

For those of you familiar with Death of a Ladies Man, WTF?

Eye Ties

Our friends Settlefish are getting ready to release a new record called "Oh Dear". I love the single:

Settlefish - "The Boy and the Light"

One more

Okay, I know I've been posting a lot of videos lately, but I just can't help myself. This one is so amazing it will make your day. Turn that frown upside down and watch this one.

Hyperbole

I know, everybody uses hyperbole. But sometimes when I see it in print, it's just so weird. This article in the Tribue about holiday shopping contains this excerpt:
Ellen Fine of Vernon Hills is like many shoppers. She intends to do her holiday shopping early, but ultimately she finds there is no burning reason to get to the mall.
"If I had a penny for every year when I said I'm going to get all my shopping done early when it's still warm out, I'd be a millionaire," said Fine.

Millionaire? Hmm . . . I'm guessing she might have a quarter.

Identical Eighth Cousins, Just the Same

Mrs. Cheney told MSNBC on Tuesday that it was "an amazing American story that one ancestor ... could be responsible down the family line for lives that have taken such different and varied paths."

Oh, Jews For Jesus, SHUT IT, you old bag.

Only in America could someone fuck someone else, and then their kids could fuck someone totally different, and so on and so on. God Bless America, land where we fuuuuuck...

I am positive that Lynne and Dick will be over at the Obama's for the holidays. 'Cause like Mrs. C. said on The Daily Show, people from Wyoming respect other people and accept them for who they are and are tolerant of differences of opinion.

Fuck yourself and your Darth Vader husband and your sick idea of America. And of everything else. Take your book tour and your outlook and your husband and die, very very soon.

Thanks!!

Live From NYC: FACE HALL OF FAME

FROM CRAIG'S LIST:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

The Queen

You know, everyone always thinks about the current, already sainted version of Aretha, in the enormous sequined tent dress, belting out "Nessun Dorma" or "Freeway of Love" or some bullshit. But 20 million sorority hoes singing "Respect" into their hairbrushes could never erase the raw fucking power of the early Aretha, the one who had to play the piano on her own shit to make it sound right. Check out the great compilation "Aretha: The First 12 Sides" to see what I mean. Here's a taste:

Aretha Franklin - "Love Is The Only Thing

10 seconds of joy

Funniest TV moment of 2007:

Here You Go

Bruce Stringsteen and Arcade Fire - Keep the car running
Uploaded by trendwhore

Bruce Stringsteen and Arcade Fire - State trooper
Uploaded by trendwhore

Springsteen is PSYCHED.

Daily Download - Cool Kids

I've been singing this one ever since the show at the MCA. "Do the Smurf, Do the Wop, Baseball Bat!"

Cool Kids - "88"

Unspeakably Poncey

Whoa, over 24 hrs without a post. So if no one else is gonna step up, its all me.

From the same SCTV "Lets Make Fun of the Doobie Brothers" episode, Its Tom Munroe sings Petula Clark. Unspeakably Poncy. Take note of the backing track and of course, the backing vocals.



Disclaimer- The Gerry Todd sketch gets a bit brutal after the first number. Although on second thought, Crazy Hy is pretty funny too.

Op-Ed

The New York Times

October 14, 2007
Op-Ed Columnist
A Mock Columnist, Amok
By MAUREEN DOWD

I was in my office, writing a column on the injustice of relative marginal tax rates for hedge fund managers, when I saw Stephen Colbert on TV.

He was sneering that Times columns make good “kindling.” He was ranting that after you throw away the paper, “it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade.” He was observing, approvingly, that “Dick Cheney’s fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into The New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann’s skull.”

I called Colbert with a dare: if he thought it was so easy to be a Times Op-Ed pundit, he should try it. He came right over. In a moment of weakness, I had staged a coup d’moi. I just hope he leaves at some point. He’s typing and drinking and threatening to “shave Paul Krugman with a broken bottle.”

I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

By STEPHEN COLBERT

Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :(

I’d like to thank Maureen Dowd for permitting/begging me to write her column today. As I type this, she’s watching from an overstuffed divan, petting her prize Abyssinian and sipping a Dirty Cosmotinijito. Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

So why I am writing Miss Dowd’s column today? Simple. Because I believe the 2008 election, unlike all previous elections, is important. And a lot of Americans feel confused about the current crop of presidential candidates.

For instance, Hillary Clinton. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be scared of her so Democrats will think they should nominate her when she’s actually easy to beat, or if I’m supposed to be scared of her because she’s legitimately scary.

Or Rudy Giuliani. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to support him because he’s the one who can beat Hillary if she gets nominated, or if I’m supposed to support him because he’s legitimately scary.

And Fred Thompson. In my opinion “Law & Order” never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.

Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

While my hat is not presently in the ring, I should also point out that it is not on my head. So where’s that hat? (Hint: John McCain was seen passing one at a gas station to fuel up the Straight Talk Express.)

Others point to my new bestseller, “I Am America (And So Can You!)” noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.

Look at the moral guidance I offer. On faith: “After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up.” On gender: “The sooner we accept the basic differences between men and women, the sooner we can stop arguing about it and start having sex.” On race: “While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.” On the elderly: “They look like lizards.”

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you — if you have a TV show.

Bulls on Parade

First Bulls home preseason game is tonight. I am geeked.

Cheech & Chong - "Basketball Jones"

Perry Como-Still Alive!

This sketch was taped in 1980, Perry Como died in 2001.

Check out Rick Moranis as one of the dancers

Lake Effect Poll!

How much did everyone pay for the Radiohead record?

I dropped 3 pounds on it.

The Daily Show: Trapped in the Closet

I'm sure most of you have seen this, but it's remarkably good.

The Best Thing I've EVER Seen

(I'm envious of this performance)

Memphis Belle

Former Ohio State point guard Mike Conley is going to fuck shit up for the Grizz this year, ya heard?

Sail Away

I would venture to say that the people who like the "Toy Story" song don't know that Randy also wrote the all-time best song about slave trading.

If you know what's good for you, you'll enjoy this one as well:

Randy Newman - "Last Night I Had A Dream"

More Video Delights

feel like some Muskrat Love? ("Sammy's so skinny")

Why I Teach...in Utah

Namely, because I can teach at a respected public research institution that allows any and all students, faculty and staff to carry concealed weapons on campus.

The recent memo sent to all professors re-iterated this policy and advised us of what to do in case that weapon is not-so-concealed:

Faculty, staff, or students may become aware of the presence of a weapon in their immediate vicinity either by happenstance as when a concealed weapon is momentarily visible or through deliberate action of the possessor. In either event, the advice of law enforcement experts is the same – stay calm and avoid confrontation whenever possible.

Wait for it....

If you are threatened directly or if violence erupts, then

a. STAY CALM

i. take evasive action

ii. do not enter any area without knowing what is there

iii. use self-defense methods only to the extent that you are familiar or comfortable with them

iv. look for the most solid protection available (e.g., prefer solid wood furniture over drywall)

I also found this

My colleague, Marcy, was married to the drummer, Stix Hooper. Remember this jam?

Cat fight!

First, let me apologize for my absence from our beloved Lake Effect. Until today, I've felt rather uninspired. Then I found this:

Re: Previous Post

I am so glad we'll finally have an opportunity to get all of his greatest songs in one place. The Baby Boomers haven't bought them in at least two years, and Bob might be running out of money. We've had to get by on:

1. Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits
2. Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits #2
3. Bob Dylan - The Collection
4. Bob Dylan - Essential Bob Dylan
5. Bob Dylan Remastered (each album, 2004)

Not to mention the Scorcese Doc, The 30th Anniversary Concert, the Encyclopedia, Volume 1 of his autobiography, and this:


Collectible "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" Mug

Dylan's Got A Lot to Say

Don't believe everything you see Alvy post, people. Well, that's a little harsh. Just that Dylan shit. BD called me up to apologize, said that someone was putting out stuff in his name, but it wasn't really from him, there are a lot of Dylbots out there, yada yada...

Anyway, he sent me this PERSONALLY, so this is what you should believe about me, Dylan, and Dylan's Greatest Songs. Most importantly, Dylan's Greatest Songs, which are definitely on sale all over the fucking place. And thank Jah for that, because I couldn't find them anywhere before this. I had almost forgotten what his beauuuuuuutiful voice sounded like.

Robots!

Ladies and Gentlemen, from the Technology Desk in Milwaukee we bring you ...

"Lev" the robotic therimin playing Gnarls Barkley, along with his companion, Thumpbot.

I find these two more promising, ultimately, than our country's killer robots, though none is more charming than Jukebot, the home built 8-track robot.

Human musicians, take note.



This absolutely holds up to repeated viewings. Mesmerizing.

Note: Jukebot, I am told, was invented by one John Folaron. Those are window flower boxes for feet, and it's current whereabouts are unknown.

Daily Download - "I've Got You"

We played a show with this band called The Damnwells in Brooklyn a long time ago to about 8 people. They were good. Still are. This song is simultaneously cheesy and great. I love it.

The Damnwells - "I've Got You"

Poster Kids

Yesterday reminded me of how much I LOVE the Poster Children. And not just because I've been crushin' on Rose for 20 years. They are a truly original and exciting band, totally without pretension, totally sincere.

The picture above is from their 1989 show at Dreamerz (which is now Nick's). I was there (with KCD, I believe), and scared of the neighborhood. Saw the Jesus Lizard there that year too, but missed shows by Nirvana and Slint (doh!).

Here's a couple of tracks from their debut Flower Plower LP:

Poster Chilidren - "Dangerous Life"

Poster Children - "Wanna"

Intonation/MCA:Rock/Art Photo Gallery

3300 musicfan-artpatron-goldcoastlady-sneakerkid Chicagoans turned out for the big show yesterday on the MCA plaza, which felt like some kind of street festival prom dance terrareum. Everything went splendidly. Heres some pics















The Poster Children















1900's

And I've Got Such A Long Way to Go!!!

Rick Moranis was behind most of the great music parodies on SCTV and in this one episode, The Doobie Brothers and Michael McDonald were the thread that ran through the whole show. Here he nails MM for being the 70's/80's backing vocals whore that he was.
Brilliant.

Confession

I know it's wrong, but I find White House mouthpiece/PR robot Dana Perino really attractive. I just had to put that out there. Whew! I feel better already.

The Glorious Future Is Now!!!

They've started a pilot program for a new service where you won't need quarters for parking meters, and you can add time remotely from your phone. I'm in. Who's with me?


Welcome to ParkMagic Chicago
Paying for on-street parking in Chicago is now as fast and easy as a mobile phone call. After setting up a ParkMagic account and purchasing an in-car-display (ICD) device online, you simply park, call our toll-free number to select a parking zone and deduct time from your account. Within seconds, your dashboard ICD will display your parking start time. It’s that simple.

Additional time can even be added remotely if you need more time and the parking zone allows it.

With ParkMagic, there is no more searching for coins to feed a meter or enduring bad weather while you hike to a pay-and-display machine and back to your vehicle to display your parking receipt.

You can easily access and manage your ParkMagic account online. For added security, your account balance is stored in our secure system, not in your ICD.

Paying for parking in Chicago is simplified with ParkMagic.

Sign Up Here

SEPARATED AT BIRTH:
ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S MOTHER























&

CHRIS FARLEY

Dylan

Hot Fuzz, Reality Style

You'd think that a road trip through the middle of nowhere would offer the Hitmaker some protection against The Man and his fancy, I-can-clock-you-while-driving-toward-you around-a-curve-doing-80plus-my-damn-self, radar device.

Negative on that.

As you can see, the Occifer was totally justified in protecting his fellow Nevadans' safety. Oh wait, no one there, just dust and tumbleweeds. "You know why I pulled you over?"

"Uhh, you're bored? Itchy mustache? Pissed about Britney losing the kids and wanna take it out on someone?"

For once, it wasn't me with the convicted lead foot. And while $177 for doing 88 in a 70 zone sucks, it ain't close to the current record $282 I piled up in Connecticut on a legendary Alvy Singers tour, and that was in a cargo van. No zippy red Mustang convertible for me, no sir. We were just thankful it wasn't during our top speed pass...

Don't ever forget: THE HEAT IS ON.

Bad Engrish-Honorific!

Props to Heather for this one:





More Bad Engrish